literally had 100 drinks last night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My cat gives me a boner
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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