i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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