I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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