i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
