I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
