How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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