If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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