Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
