im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
