Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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