I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
