so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
