Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
sarcasm needs its own font
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I want a musical about memes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
