I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
