i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
