dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
