And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
