i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
