Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Found the puke drawer
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
