The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
