Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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