YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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