Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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