Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
