fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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