Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
