I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
