I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
