So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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