you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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