I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
