it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
