I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
