I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
