in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
