Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
