Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
