i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
