capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
