If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
