almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize