at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
