We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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