Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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