so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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