saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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