you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
