First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
