he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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