Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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