Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
