we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
