No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My life is pants optional.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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