hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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