he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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