On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am one with the molecules
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
