yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
