she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
