but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
