i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
only you would photoshop your dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
