I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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