He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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