i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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