I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
