I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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