also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
