Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
