If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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