Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
