Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
