CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
