Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
