i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
